Founding our place in a community

We are relational animals.
We belong to the community-based species, where animals live together in groups.
We came from Apes, who are community-based species.
We were born out of the relationship of two people.
And the day we are born, we belong to our first community, which is the family system.
Community whether small or large can be of great value to us.

But, if we have not had good experiences with our family, then our identity and role in any future community would be under stress.

Establishing a place within community has a lot of value but it may mean facing and working through past hurts that have come by way of community.

A healthy community is built through a process of freely giving and of openly receiving.
Contributing in a healthy way to the community will come from a healthy sense of identity, and a clear purpose.
Our healthy, and true inner sense of purpose will manifest itself into a natural desire to contribute into the world around us, including our communities, and to openly receive from the world around us, creating a healthy "competition" inside the community.

A healthy "competition" is a behavior that will open to receive and learn, and to give freely

0.5 + 0.5 =1

In the previous post, I've mentioned that in our society we have a wrong idea, that a relationship will complete us.

The general idea in our society that man is a half, and a woman is the second half, and they combine into one
0.5 + 0.5 = 1

People refer to their spouses as "my other half"

We could not be a complete
Anyone of us has issues, fears, attachments and emotions that prevent us from living our life to its full, and from living a heartful life.
In that sense, we are not complete.
We need to grow up.
And this is the life journey is all about.
About growing up.

We grow up, emotionally, physically, career wise, mentally.... etc

Every experience in our life is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, and to heal some old wounds, and to go deeper into our purpose of living.

So, maybe we are not complete in that sense.

But the idea of me being complete with someone else, who is not complete as well, doesn't mean it has to work.

So, I have issues, wounds, fears....etc
and I go into an intimate relationship with someone else who has other issues, fears...etc

And I think that my spouse will help me grow up, and heal those fears, or wounds

and for a healthy relationship, this is what the relationship is about.

So, it is going to be 0.5 + 0.5 = 1

But for unhealthy relationship, where our fears prevent us from understand the dynamics that are going on into our relationship
Or our fears block us from admitting that we need to grow up, then the formula will be different.

The formula will be 0.5 * 0.5 = 0.25

Each side of the relationship will try to control the other side, and makes him feel guilty, or down in order to feel secure.

In this situation, each side will feed the other side of his fears, and wounds, instead of healing the other side wounds.
We become stuck on arguments that could repeat itself for years.

Instead of healing and growing up, we will become stuck, and destructive

The challenge is to keep our relationship as 0.5 + 0.5 = 1

And when we feel it is going to be 0.5 * 0.5, then it is time to move out with a clean loving way.

The most important love

So, it is Valentine and everyone is talking about love.
So, I thought I will talk about love, and about the most important love in our life.

Loving ourselves.

The starting point of receiving love in our lives is to fully love ourselves.
Loving ourselves ,as well, is the first step of loving others.
Without loving ourselves, then no matter how much love is coming in our direction, we won't be able to receive deeply that love.
And without loving ourselves, then we cannot give real love to others.

Loving ourselves give us the feel of completeness, or the feeling that we are complete.
if we feel incomplete in ourselves, or we feel that we need a relationship to be complete then this feeling is an indication that we steel need to love ourselves more.

If we feel that we need a relationship to be complete then we are in co-dependency situation, where we are dependent on the relationship to accept and love ourselves.

Unfortunately, our culture in someway building more co-dependency in our view of life.
How many times someone mention his partner as "My other half"
like a person is just a half person, and he/she is not complete without the other half.
and worst when a man talk about his wife/spouse as "my best half"
Like he is the worst half, and she is the best half

In the movie "Jerry Maguire", Tom Cruise in a "Romantic" moment in the movie talks to his love in the movie and say : "You complete me", and the music plays in the background and the actress smiles and her tears goes down.

In movies, songs, TV or in all our culture, we have been grown up in the idea that love and relationships complete us.

Unfortunately, this is a totally wrong idea, because if we are not complete, then we cannot give love, and we cannot receive love.

We cannot go in a deep level of love and into deeper levels of relationship without being complete and feel the strength in ourselves, to give and receive love.

Without being complete, and feeling the strength in ourselves, then any relationship could be a co-dependency environment.
And this is why breaking-up is so difficult for some people, because the relationship was a source of feeling worthy, then breaking up means feeling unworthy.

True love, comes from strength, confident, complete personality.
And the only way to get all those is to love ourselves deeply.

My first physical healing

After I've read about Energy Medicine, I've decided to avoid taking any chemical-based medicine.
According to the energy medicine, we can heal our body by activating the energy in our body.

And I had the first test few weeks ago.
My co-worker had a cold, and I picked up the germs.
I felt the cold is starting to winning the battle in my body.
So I did the following:

1 - I drunk lots of distilled water , and I mean a lot, which maybe 4 or 5 letters a day.
Distilled water will balance the Acid-Alkaline in the body, and the more balance we have in Acid-Alkaline, the more our immune system can fights germs effectively.

2 - I eat Papaya, and water melon, because both of them raise up the Alkaline level of the body.
Usually and because we eat salt, protein and sugar, then our body is more acidic, and raising up the Alkaline, will help put back the balance in Acid-Alkaline.

3 - I start to activate more the throat Chakra.
Throat Chakra is the energy center that is responsible of keeping the throat, nose healthy.
I dressed up in blue color to add more energy to the throat chakra.
As well, I practiced some singing.

I did the above for two days and in tow days, I didn't have any symptoms of cold, and I did that while I was still working, and I didn't take any day off.

That was the first test I did, since I decided to avoid the chemical-based medicine
I didn't know how much successful I can do to avoid totally any medicine.

One practice that can help boost our immune system, and help our body fight germs and viruses is Kundalini Yoga.

I am practicing more Kundalini Yoga.

My objective is to not take any chemical-based medicine in all my life.

Quotes from Jalal Al-Din Al-Rumi

• Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

• Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.

• Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.

• Let the beauty of what you love be what you do

• Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.

• You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?

And finally my favorite:

• Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?

Conflict in intimate relationship

In an intimate relationship, we are going in a journey of discovering and binding more into the other part of the relationship.
During that journey we expose more of ourselves.
And we discover more of the other part.
Sometimes those parts of ourselves scare us, and we don't want to expose them.
And that is the major source of conflict in a relationship.
When a conflict occurs in a relationship, then it is a sign that the relationship is going into more deeper level.
going into more dipper level, triggers our fears and old wounds in the subconscious, which manifest themselves into conflicts.
Any conflict is an opportunity to go deeper in the relationship, and make the relationship more strong, if we know how to use the conflict to discover and learn about ourselves and heal our wounds.
Every conflict in an intimate relationship is an opportunity for us to grow up.

But if we were too scared of doing so, and maybe we become scared of admitting that we should grow up, then we move to judging the other person, or blaming and manipulating.

Judging, controlling, and manipulating are tools that maybe are effective in controlling the other part of the relationship, but what we are doing in this case is betraying ourselves, before we are betraying the other part.

Songs from the heart

A new wonderful friend of mine, Anthony Burbidge is an artist.
He writes and performs lovely heartfelt songs.
His songs are full of wisdom, and love
If you want a lovely gift for Christmas, I encourage you to buy his CD.
I am writing here the lyrics of my favorite songs of his

You're Not Alone

For most of my life I've felt alone

As if who I really am could never be known

Too lost in my head to ever see

That most of the world feels like me

---

But now my heart's become my guide

And I have opened up to life

And I can see

---

I'm not alone

I'm not alone

I'm not alone

In this life

---

Now I wonder are you hurting on your own?

Do you believe you need to live your life alone?

Are you in your head?

Are you in your hurt?

Have your lost your way?

Can you not see your hurt in me?

I feel the same.

---

Oh let your heart become your guide

I know you'll shine when you open up to life

And you will see

---

You're not alone

You're not alone

You're not alone

In this life

---

Just as the stars share the ancient skies

So goes the truth of you and I

That deep within we share a secret code of life

A common thread that's sown too deep to be denied

---

So may our hearts become our guides

I know we'll shine when we open up to life

And we will see

---

We're not alone

We're not alone

We're not alone

In this life

---

And may you see

You're not alone

Receiving the abundance in life

Life will give us in many different ways and many different forms, if we are open to receive what is appropriate for us.
We can have an expectation that the life will nourish us, and support us.
I call that a healthy expectation, because it build trust in the universe, and make us remove any blocks of receiving, that could arise from the non-trust.

But there are other types of expectations that are unhealthy.
When we start to demand to fulfill our needs by specific expectations, then we set ourselves for being let down.
When we attach to specific expectations then we block our selves from the other ways that the life is trying to give us through.

To receive fully, we must open fully, and trust fully.